Check In: Navigating Collective Trauma, Slowing Down, and Reinforcing My Purpose

Hey y’all! Long time no see, huh?

2020 was… a lot. At the start, we had all been so energized and enlivened as we entered into a new decade. I was stepping into my purpose, and I just knew that 2020 would be a transformative year. And… it definitely was, albeit not in the ways that I had imagined.

The pandemic threw me off, but I was still pushing forward. I, along with the rest of the world, was slowly adjusting to a “new normal” (please, if you ever hear me use that phrase again, or the words unprecedented, performative or normalize, feel free to whoop my ass lol). It was tough because I had to adjust the routines I relied on to manage my anxiety (get some ideas for staying engaged during the pandemic here), but I was coping pretty well.

Crash and Burn

Towards the end of May, the weight of the pandemic stress coupled with the exhaustion of trying to feel safe in a country that constantly devalues Black life really started taking its toll. I felt so depleted. Helpless. I could feel my motivation slowly draining away until there was none left. I was forcing myself to do the things that had brought me so much joy just months before — writing, creating, leaning into my self-care and pouring into my sense of wellness. Honestly, I was just trying to get by.

Obviously, that meant that I took a hiatus from blogging and creating content for Instagram. It was frustrating, because I wanted to get back into my groove but I simply couldn’t muster the mental energy to do so. It almost felt silly trying to draft blog posts and partner with brands when there were so many seemingly catastrophic moments transpiring in the world. Even now, I’m constantly pushing myself towards that productive space I once filled so easily, and honey… let me tell you a lil somethin’ about struggle.

Remembering My “Why”

Purpose colors our lives. It gives us something to stand for, a reason to push through. I encourage you all to take a moment to consider the “why” behind your dreams, and even your everyday decisions. It’s one thing to set goals; it’s a whole ‘nother thing to approach them with a true understanding of why you want to achieve them to begin with. That understanding is the fuel to keep going… to put in the work even when you don’t feel like it, or when you’re scared of what that work may look like.

Now, that doesn’t mean to stretch yourself thin or shove yourself beyond what you’re mentally and emotionally capable of. If you need a break, take it. Don’t let others guilt you into believing that you must grind through trauma. Slow down and rest if you must. Give yourself grace.

Looking back over 2020, I may not have done everything I originally planned to, but I had a pretty damned good year nonetheless. I launched this blog. I started grad school (more about that soon!) and got promoted at work. I spent more time pouring into the people around me that bring me genuine joy. I started praying more, and I grew closer to God. I began investing in myself. I learned how to believe in myself, and started building my brand. I went to therapy, and I took the time I needed to really get back to myself.

Long story short, we live, we learn, we grow. We experience moments that bring us to our knees, and when we’re ready, we get back up. If you’re reading this, I encourage you to give yourself a little grace in 2021. You deserve it.

with love, always,
ri